he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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