he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
