I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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