Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
