I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
