We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
