yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Randomize
