rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
