The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
