theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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