the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
do herpes really smell.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
