I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have aggressive nipples.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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