Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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