Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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