Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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