How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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