Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
