He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
