I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
they call him Oral-B. enough said
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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