Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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