You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
even my farts smell like vagina
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
