Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
