and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
