goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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