Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
