Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
