My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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