Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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