don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
