honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
