He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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