I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
