she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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