people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
