Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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