so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
