Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
two words...techno handjob
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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