she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
