its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
