the condom got lost in my hair
I understand Curling. That high.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
