everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
