Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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