Well apparently he's into motor boating.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
