Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
