she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
