it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
