just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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