fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
