come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
