someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
