I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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