oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
