I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
